My over-large arse

A little over a year ago my wife and I made the, then yearly, pilgramage to M&S to buy me a suit for work. My previous one had worn well, but worn it was. We found a perfect suit. Well cut, with colouring the suited me, we knew this was the one. I discarded the other possibilities and made my way to the changing room.

I had picked up a couple of jackets, and a couple of trousers in different sizes to try on. The jacket was easy, and one was quickly discarded. Trousers were a little trickier. I was too slim (!) for the 36 inch waist, but not slim enough for the 34. The suit itself, however, was looking good. We decided that we shoulld go for the long haul. I bought 2 jackets, one pairs of 36s and 3 pairs of 34s. The suit was good, and the theory was (well mine was anyway) that I would continue to lose weight, and the 36s were a stepping point to the 34s.

Cut forward a year.

I've never stopped wearing the 36s (except on the couple of days where they've been in for dry cleaning), the only thing that's gone is the need for a belt! Trousers don't last for ever, and when you wear them for a year they start to go. I'd noticed a couple of threadbare points on the legs at my inner thigh, but ignored them in the hope that they would last until my weight loss (yep, that again) could drop to the point where I could get into the 34s. No hope.

I looked down last Wednesday and found a small hole instead of a few threads. Thursday brought a bigger hole, and the danger of revelation! I went home Thursday night and begged. My Mother-in-Law was staying with us to help out my ailing wife, and I showed her the problem. My initial solution has centered around tape. Electrical tape. That would work, wouldn't it? No, apparently not.

She then spent the evening altering a pair of 34s so I could squeeze my large prosterier into them. She's also took another pair home to do the same so I have a spare. The final pair of 34s is sitting in the cupboard, unused and taunting.

So what have I done to achieve this weight loss? Well, three sessions of a Davina exercise DVD that my wife has, and I've signed up for a half marathon in May. Haven't even run a mile yet, but I've signed up. Must count for something. Right?

At least the incentive of having my boxers squeezed up my crack every time I walk (especially up stairs) gives me a constant reminder to sort out my ever expanding waist line and fat arse!